How do you help middle and high school homeschoolers build academic focus?

Now that my son is in sixth grade, he’s doing work that requires him to really dig in and focus. He’s doing good work, but he’s so easily distracted, and he has trouble concentrating. Is there anything I can do to help improve his focus?

Learning to focus can be hard even for adults, but most of the time, all you need to boost your concentration is a change in your routine and regular practice, says Michael Coates, M.D., chair of the Department of Family and Community Medicine at Wake Forest School of Medicine. Try these easy-to-implement actions to help your son improve his focus.

Set a timer.

Something about an established time limit — “Work on this math for 15 minutes” — inspires focus, so don’t hesitate to break out the kitchen timer when you get to a subject you know taxes your son’s concentration skills. Start with small increments of time, and gradually increase time spent until you reach the amount of focused time you’re shooting for. This works best if you don’t rush — you don’t have to increase the time every day. Instead, give your son a chance to really adjust to each increase before adding more time.

Check your sleep habits.

Around sixth grade, some kids start making the shift to adolescent sleep habits, which means their bodies naturally want to stay up later and sleep longer in the mornings. Kids really need at least seven hours of sleep a night to concentrate during the day, so if your child’s sleep patterns are changing but your schedule isn’t, it may be time to try something different. Even just starting an hour later in the morning may be enough to improve your son’s concentration.

Practice mindfulness.

If your son starts to drift off during reading assignments or conversations, it may be that he’s spoiled by the everything-now nature of video games, Wikipedia, and Twitter. To help him shake that I-could-be-doing-10-other-things-now feeling, encourage him to pause and wiggle his toes or snap his fingers. That moment of focused concentration will help his focus settle back down.

Have a glass of water.

A 2012 study in the Journal of Nutrition found that being as little as two percent dehydrated — such mild dehydration that your body doesn’t even feel thirsty — can negatively impact concentration. Pour your son a big glass of water before his next intensive focus session.

Jump around.

Exercise is one of the best ways to improve focus, so take plenty of action breaks to walk around the block, kick a soccer ball in the backyard, do jumping jacks in the living room, or play a quick round of Wii Sports between subjects.

Bottom line: Don’t expect your son’s concentration abilities to develop on their own. Help him sharpen them over time by test-driving different focus-boosting techniques.

What’s the best way to organize your homeschool library?

I have a problem: Our library is out of control. I don’t mind the bookcases taking over our house, but I hate when I discover a book that I bought for a particular subject but forgot about until months after we wrapped up studying that subject—or worse, when I buy a book only to find that I already own a copy of it. Is there any way to organize our homeschool library so that it’s a resource and not a headache?

The key to useful and accessible homeschool library: Good organization. If you want to wrangle your book collection into a well-organized library, you’re going to have to get hands-on. Here’s how:

Start by making an inventory.

I know! It’s a huge project. It’s dusty and messy — and it’s probably not something you can accomplish in a single afternoon. But it is the only place to start if you really want to organize your library. Start a list of all the books in your collection — I use index cards, but you could set up an Excel spreadsheet or use a tool like LibraryThing instead. (If you have a lot of newer books, LibraryThing has an app that scans book barcodes to instantly upload their information, which is pretty convenient.)

As you sort, you may find books that you can discard or give away — I hear this happens sometimes, though I’ve not personally experienced it. If you uncover books you can part with, trade them in a used bookstore for more books, drop them off at your homeschool group’s free pile, or donate them to your favorite thrift shop. (You can try to sell high-quality or expensive books you’re ready to let go of.)

Catalog your books.

A list of books is great, but you really want to make it easy to find books about, say, Egyptian history and mythology or the California gold rush when you want them, right? Tag your books with labels to help you sort them.

With my index cards, I create subject cards where I list books I own in a particular subject — medieval history, coming-of-age novels, dinosaurs, etc. (Some subjects require more than one card, some books go onto multiple cards, and I jot new titles as we acquire them.) In Excel, designate a field for tags. The idea is to create a simple system that will remind you what books you have on any subject when you want to find them, so it’s better to err on the side of extra tags — that way, when you hit search, you’re more likely to actually find what you are looking for.

Shelve your books.

Lots of homeschoolers have more books than shelf space. To deal, “shelve” subject-specific groups of books in plastic bins, and label your bin with the subject (Japan, biology, astronomy, etc.) and a list of the books inside. (I think this is easiest with a bin per subject, but of course you can lump subjects together if you prefer.) Then note which books are binned — I fold a sticky flag over the right corner of my index cards, or you can change the color of binned books in your spreadsheet or just leave yourself a note.) Then, when you’re ready to tackle a particular subject, all your books are ready in one place.

For the books that go on your shelves, sort them by author, subject, or size, and note where to find them. (My daughter’s Warrior Cat books are shelved as O-1, cluing me in that they’re on the first bookshelf in her room, while our Story of the World collection is in the foyer bookcase: F.)

Keep it organized.

For this system to work long-term, you have to be vigilant about updating it every time you add a new book to your collection. At our house, new books go into a holding box, and they’re considered unavailable until they’ve been cataloged and shelved — otherwise, they’d drift off with a happy reader and vanish from our records. I don’t love having to move things around in the garage to add a single volume to our U.S. History bin, but I do love the fact that when we need our U.S. History collection, it’s easy to find and enjoy.

How do we grow our secular homeschool community as our kids become teens?

Sometimes, the way to get the homeschool community you really want is to build it from the ground up. If growing community is on your to-do list, try some of these strategies to make it happen.

Whether you’re a new homeschooler looking to find your people, a long-time homeschooler whose community is undergoing a disorienting shift, or just someone who never really found the homeschool community you were looking for, 2023 can be the year you find your people.

There are two keys to getting the community you really want, says Niofer Merchant, author of The Power of Onlyness. The first is to make building community a priority — it’s probably not going to magically happen on its own if it hasn’t already. The second key? Take it one small step at a time. You don’t need to get from A to Z with one big leap, says Merchant. Getting to B is great progress and much more achievable. These small steps can get you moving in the right direction.

Find a different seat.

We tend to stick to the same patterns in familiar places, but if you always end up in the same corner of your co-op sitting room or beside the same moms on park day, you might be missing an opportunity. The more you’re willing to venture outside your comfort zone, the more resources you find, says Merchant. Little changes, like sitting on the opposite side of the room, checking out a different park day, or hitting the homeschool day at your favorite museum in the afternoon instead of in the morning can broaden your community.

Extend your age range.

Senior centers are always excited to get new blood, even if you only have a few hours to give, says Kimberly Trusty-Doughty, general manager for volunteer services at the Hillsborough County Department of Aging Services in Florida. Seniors may not be your first thought for your homeschool community, but one of the great benefits of homeschooling is that we get to do real socialization, the kind that’s not limited by age or grade level. Volunteer a few hours at a senior center, and you may be amazed at the results: You can find surrogate grandparents, sure, but you may also find local resources and connections you didn’t know anything about through your new friends.

Host a Jeffersonian dinner.

The typical Jeffersonian dinner — modeled after the historic gatherings Thomas Jefferson used to host at his home Monticello, not after his shady approach to dealing with issues of slavery in the early United States — brings together eight to 15 people to discuss a specific topic — for homeschoolers, that might be how to tackle language arts or thoughts about online classrooms. Keeping the conversation focused on a specific topic means that the people who show up are genuinely interested in the topic of discussion, which may lure people who don’t regularly join into your regular homeschool activities. (Bonus: This kind of structured socialization is introvert-friendly.)

Refocus your routine.

Your regular routine can be a great opportunity to build community. Not only does developing a routine help get you get into the habit of getting out of the house regularly — a habit that can make your community feel bigger all by itself — it also puts you into the path of other people who have similar routines. If you always hit the same park on Friday mornings, visit the library every Tuesday, stop by the coffee shop on Monday, and go shopping at the farmers market on Thursday, you create a rhythm where it’s easy to feel connected to the people at your regular haunts.

Show up if you say yes.

Homeschoolers can be notoriously flaky, and we’ve all had moments where we appreciate the amazing flexibility homeschool life offers. If we want to take off on a field trip to the mountains or watch movies in our pajamas all day, we can! But with freedom comes responsibility, and if you want park days or field trips or social activities for homeschoolers in your community, showing up when you commit is essential. You don’t have to commit to everything, of course, but when there’s an activity that you’re really excited about or that you’d like to see continue in your community, a firm “yes” and actually showing up for it can be the best way to ensure that activity doesn’t vanish. “A ton of work goes into planning classes or activities, and if the turnout is low or people don’t show up, there’s no motivation to keep an activity going,” says Loren, who runs a small homeschool group in southern California. “If someone no-shows twice, I take them off our group’s mailing list.” Just showing up is a big part of building a homeschool community, so be wary of saying “yes” or even “maybe” if you’re not pretty sure you’re willing to follow through.

Manage your expectations.

You may not find the homeschool BFF your child has been dreaming of — but maybe you can find a pal for karate lessons or a buddy for robotics class or a friend for park day. The higher your expectations for a new friend are, the less likely you are to find someone who meets them, so instead of looking for a perfect fit, look for someone who fills a specific community or social need. It’s great to have a math nerd friend to text tricky problems, even if that friend doesn’t also like skateboarding and Minecraft. Expand your notion of friendship to include a wider community instead of pinning your hopes on finding one perfect pal.

Think local first.

I love a one-day Amazon delivery as much as the next homeschool mom, but if you want to build community, shop local, recommends David Downey, CEO of the International Downtown Association in Washington D.C. The surest way to grow your local business community is by shopping and spending time in it, says Downey — so do your weekly debriefing at the coffee shop on the corner instead of the chain store with the big drive-through, or bring your booklist to the independent bookstore on the square. Bonus: These businesses are community businesses, and as you become a familiar face, you’ll start to feel like you really are part of your town’s community.

Offer to lend a hand.

Whether it’s a new family who looks a little lost at homeschool day or a stranger juggling a stack of books and a baby at the library, offering a little assistance is an easy way to connect that makes you feel good even if it doesn’t end up leading to a long-term relationship. If you’re shy about starting conversations with strangers, offering to help can be a great conversation starter. 

How do you deal with competitive homeschool parents?

One of the moms at our regular park day wants to turn every learning-related conversation into a competition where her kids are smarter and better than everyone else. How can I politely shut her down?  

If you started homeschooling to get away from competitive education, you may be out of luck. For every chill, laidback homeschooler who’s never looked at her child’s test scores, there’s a homeschooling mom who watches her — and your — child’s academic progress like a hawk. Your son loves Harry Potter? Her daughter just finished War and Peace. Your daughter is finishing up her math workbook? Her son found that particular curriculum way too easy. Your son loves his new art class? Her son is repainting the Sistine Chapel. Whatever you’re talking about, the conversation always seems to veer to how smart/talented/superior her child is.

Before you get grumpy, consider the fact that this mom may be facing criticism from her family or insecurity about her own abilities to be a successful homeschool parent. She may be aggressive because she feels like she has to convince other people that her child is doing well. While that knowledge won’t make her behavior any less irritating, it can help you deal with it politely, says Maralee McKee, an Orlando homeschool mom and author of the book Manners That Matter for Moms. For starters, resist getting drawn into specifics: The more details you give, the more ammunition she has for comparison. Be vague: “Oh, we’re always reading, but I don’t know what’s on the list off the top of my head,” or “We’re doing pretty well in math right now, but I’m afraid if I talk about it too much, I’ll jinx it.”

If she keeps pushing, it’s perfectly acceptable to let her know you’re not interested in the conversation: “All we’ve done is talk about school stuff! I’d love to know more about that farmers market you were talking to Susan about” or “Jordan’s reading list is under control, but I’m looking for something to read myself. Have you read any good books lately?” And if your polite diversions don’t have any effect, you’re well within your mannerly rights to excuse yourself and relocate your blanket to another part of the playground.

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How do I homeschool a subject I don’t know much about?

My daughter wants to study Latin — which is great, except that there aren’t any homeschool Latin classes in our area, and Latin is — well, Greek to me. Is it possible to succeed in teaching a subject when I know almost nothing about it?

As you move into middle and high school, you may find yourself with a kid who wants to take classes outside your knowledge base. It’s totally, absolutely, 100-percent okay to outsource those classes, either by using a plug-and-play curriculum that gives you step-by-step guidance, signing up for online or in-person classes, or joining a co-op where another parent can take over. The older your student gets, the more important outsourcing will become in your homeschool life. But don’t think outsourcing is your only option: You can teach a class you know nothing about — and teach it well.

The key is to drop the mantle of teacher and put on the mantle of fellow student so that you and your child become learning partners. For this to work, you’ve got to tackle the topic together. How do you do this? It breaks down into three simple steps:

Be upfront with your student: “I don’t know much more about Latin than you do, but I’m excited to learn about it with you.” It’s important to talk about this with your student and to really listen to what she has to say — maybe she’ll be thrilled to continue your learning-together tradition, or maybe she’ll be concerned about whether your Latin adventure will adequately prepare her for the college classics classes she wants to take. Don’t let your ego or your desire to teach everything get in the way of what’s right for your student — if she’s looking for an academically rigorous course and you aren’t confident your plan will deliver it, consider other options. Making the choice that works for your particular kid always counts as successful homeschooling.

Be prepared for a big commitment. Self-directed learning can be invigorating and exciting, but it isn’t easy — expect to spend a lot of time and energy resources in pursuing an unfamiliar subject. For this kind of learning to work, you can’t expect your student to do anything that you’re not doing yourself, from memorizing vocabulary cards to working through translations. You want to keep pace with your student, but you also want to set the pace for the class so that you’re progressing. Expect to spend at least a couple of hours a week working on your own for this class, in addition to the time you spend working with your child.

Choose a simple, straightforward program with a workbook or lots of exercises to give you plenty of practice with concepts. (We use Ecce Romani for Latin, which I really like.) It’s scary to think about taking on an unfamiliar subject in your homeschool, but if it’s something you’re interesting in learning about, too, this kind of learning together can be a homeschooling win-win.

This Q&A is reprinted from the summer 2016 issue of HSL. (We’re Amazon affiliates, so if you purchase something through an Amazon link, we may receive a small percentage of the sale. Obviously this doesn’t influence what we recommend, and we link to places other than Amazon.)

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How can I get people to stop talking about our decision to homeschool?

The first rule of defending your homeschool decisions is also the most liberating: You have no obligation to justify or explain yourself to anyone who isn’t your co-parent. Period.

We have decided to homeschool our 9-year-old this year, and I’m really excited. But everybody seems to have an opinion about it. My mom. Our neighbors. The lady behind me in the checkout line at the supermarket. No one ever asked questions or second-guessed our decision to send him to public school, but everybody seems to want to weigh in our decision to homeschool. I feel good about our decision, but the constant questioning is really weighing me down.

I feel like homeschooling is right up there with being pregnant when it comes to people thinking that things that are clearly Your Business are suddenly Everybody’s Business. And while it’s nice to celebrate the whole it-takes-a-village piece of it, it is incredibly frustrating to feel like you’re constantly defending a decision that you have every right to make. It’s insulting — do they really think you have just spontaneously made this huge decision about your child’s life on the fly with no real thought or consideration? — and it’s stressful — you’re already worried about finding the right resources and making it all work without other people trying to add more worries to your pot.

The first rule of defending your parenting decisions is also the most liberating: You have no obligation to justify or explain yourself to anyone. Period. A stranger at the supermarket? A random parent on the playground? You can pull out my grandmother’s go-to response to nosy people, and just say, “What an odd thing to say/ask.” The key to this isn't the words, it's the uncomfortably long pause afterwards that you don't try to fill, where you just look at them as though you’re trying to understand this incredibly strange behavior that you don’t know how to respond to. Usually this awkwardness is enough to change the subject, but if it’s not, you can say, flatly, “It’s weird that you’re trying to insert yourself into my parenting decisions. Please stop.” Resist the urge to explain your thinking, cite your sources, or otherwise justify yourself — give yourself permission to just say, “I’m not explaining this to you because it’s none of your business."

Of course, there are people whose opinions matter to you — your mom, your favorite carpool friend, your nice neighbor. In these instances, you still don’t need to justify your decision, but you want to remind the person in question that (1) this is your choice to make, not theirs and (2) you have put a lot more thought into making this decision than they have put into questioning it. A good script is something like: “I know you’re surprised/concerned by this choice, but I know you also know how much I love Liam and want to do the right thing for him as his parent. Trust me: I feel really good about homeschooling, and I’d like your support.” If they keep pushing, you can just say, “Ultimately, I feel good about this decision, and I’m not going to change my mind. I’d like your support. Can you give it to me?” If the answer is any form of no, you can say, “OK, I hear you — but I’m done discussing this, so let’s talk about something else.” With some people, you may have to go even further, and say, “I can tell you need to talk about this, but I am not the person you need to talk to. Do you need me to give you some space to process this? Or can we talk about other things?”

I think we have a tendency to want to smooth things over, to want to explain ourselves to people because we want to be understood. But we can’t always get that in conversations about homeschooling — instead, we can get pulled into a cycle of feeling that we’re always justifying our decision. That’s not our job, though! We owe ourselves and our children careful, thoughtful decision-making, but we don’t owe that to anyone else, and it’s OK to take a (polite) step back and refuse to engage. 

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