You Are Doing a Lot of Things Right, Homeschool Moms. Remember That.
Instead of noticing only the balls you drop, pay attention to all the ones you’re keeping in the air. Homeschool moms can be so hard on themselves, but we need to celebrate our successes at least as often as we worry about our failures.
“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ”
It is easy to get lost in the endless to-do lists of homeschooling. We’re always juggling so many things, and all of them are important. With our eyes on the balls we need to pick up next, we miss the magic of the moment — the fact that we’re juggling all of this at all.
Have you ever watched a juggler in action? Our city has an annual juggling festival every February, and we always make time to go. The experienced jugglers, who can casually toss flames and glass and eggs, are totally impressive, but I’m always drawn to the new jugglers on the sidelines, the ones who are still glowing with the excitement of being able to keep three balls going at once. I watch them, and I see the carefulness of their movements, their delight when the balls come down and go up the way they are supposed to. And of course, sometimes I watch their balls fall, and I watch them pick them up and try again.
Homeschooling is a different kind of juggling, but it’s no less a combination of effort and grace, willingness to flex a little while maintaining a steady rhythm. It’s easy to drop those balls sometimes, too. (My Laundry ball has apparently rolled somewhere under the couch, and I may never meet it again.) But I think we spend so much time chasing balls and worrying about dropping balls that we don’t appreciate the most important thing: A lot of the time, we’re keeping all those balls in the air. We’re juggling — maybe not perfectly, maybe not always the way we’d like to, maybe not with fiery batons — but we’re juggling, and that’s a miracle of gravity and skill that we don’t give ourselves enough credit for.
It’s totally fine to push ourselves to do better, to do more, but we have to balance that internal drive with an equally powerful commitment to acknowledging all the things we do right — all the times when we aren’t actively dropping balls. It’s easy to fall into a mindset that focuses on what we’re getting wrong — after all, that’s what we tend to notice. It’s really obvious when a juggler misses a catch, and his balls go spilling across the floor. But pay attention to the times when you’re not missing the ball, too. Pay attention to the many, many moments when you’re juggling, and the balls are staying up. And give yourself the credit you deserve.
Food for Thought
What are you really proud of in your homeschool life right now?
What could you do to celebrate that achievement?
How can you recognize yourself for the work that leads to that achievement?
Monday Meditations: Ignore the Nay-Sayers
Other people have a lot of opinions about homeschooling — but that doesn’t mean you have to be influenced by what they say.
“Don’t let the opinions of other people determine the image you have of yourself. There is no need to feel either appreciated or understood. Be even-minded. What you think about yourself is everything. What others think about you has no value at all, unless you choose to give it value.”
I’ll never understand why people think certain life choices are up for public debate, but homeschooling — along with what kids should be eating, whether you’re expecting, and what your family electronics policy happens to be — is one of them.
Thank goodness for that handful of lovely people who just want to cheer you on — “I loved homeschooling!” “I always wanted to homeschool my kids.” “My neighbor homeschools, and it’s so great for them.” — because so many people seem to feel that they need to warn us of homeschooling’s potential pitfalls. What about socialization? And reading levels? And calculus? And college? And, really, how do we do it all day? (The look that accompanies that last one is the same look your elementary schooler gets when he’s trying to identify a new and particularly weird bug.)
It’s not so hard with strangers, whose words are easy to let go when you leave them. But when your mother-in-law, or your sister’s best friend, or your mom’s favorite neighbor gets in on the action, criticizing or interrogating your choices, it can be hard not to let their words nag at your nerves. After all, homeschooling is a big project. What if you don’t do it right? What if you let your kids down? What if you really should be worrying more about socialization and calculus?
It is not easy to let go of the sound of other people’s voices, especially when there’s a part of us that holds many of the same fears.
But most of us have worked through those fears, many times. We’ve held them up to the light and planned parts of our lives around them: We want our kids to have friends, so we don’t lock them in the basement with their grammar books all day. We join co-ops and go to park days and schedule play dates. We want our kids to learn the skills they need to get wherever they want to go next — so we pore over curricula, sign up for classes, and enlist assistance from other homeschoolers. We face our fears — proactively — pretty much every day of our homeschool lives, so why do those voices get to us so much?
I don’t want to tune out the sounds of the world my kids have to live in, but I don’t want to give them any more weight than they deserve either. My rule is to listen — once. And to listen as thoughtfully and as thoroughly as I can, to consider the words and the meaning behind them, and to decide if I want to rethink my strategy because of them. After that one time, though, I smile and nod and tune them out. So the 33rd person who asks me if I’m worried about homeschooling gets the cheery “nope!” and not one second of my headspace.
Truthfully, I have plenty to worry about all by myself. I don’t need to add other people’s opinions to my list.
Food for Thought
What worries in your life are generated by other people’s ideas and opinions?
How much weight are you giving other people’s opinions about your choices? Does that feel like the right amount of weight?
How can you let go of the need to justify your decisions to other people? Why do you want other people to approve of your choices?