We're Behind in Math — How Can We Catch Up?

My sixth grader is really behind in math. She was struggling when we pulled her out of school last year, and she’s still scoring at least one grade level behind in every placement test. I don’t want her to stress about math, but I also don’t want her to keep falling behind. How can we catch up?

I’m going to answer the question that you’re asking, but first I’d like to tell you something that I think might reassure you. My husband teaches high school math, and over the last five years, he’s become a popular tutor for unschoolers who want to take the SAT or ACT. Most of these kids come to him with no formal math experience—many don’t know their multiplication tables or that decimals and fractions describe the same thing. He usually gets them about a year or two before they want to actually take the test, but sometimes they only have six months together. And you know what? All of these kids have always learned enough math in that time to get a decent score on their official tests. Obviously this isn’t the strategy you’re taking with your daughter—but isn’t it kind of reassuring to know that even if you do fall behind, catching up is easier than you probably think it is?

On to your question: If your daughter’s placement tests are putting her a year behind, I’d forget forging ahead and instead let her work at the level she’s ready for. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, you don’t have to hold onto rigid ideas about grade levels when you are homeschooling. I bet you wouldn’t worry if your daughter were a year ahead in math, right? The longer you homeschool, the more you’ll realize that grade levels are kind of arbitrary, and the important thing is to choose the work your child is ready for, whatever the number on the workbook happens to be. Second, there’s a good chance that your daughter just missed a foundational step in math that’s making it hard for her to move forward—she might have missed a few days of class or had a not-great teacher or just not been ready to make the mental connection. There’s a really good chance that if you go back and work through that grade level together, she’ll pick up what she needs to know and be ready to move on— maybe in less time than you think. (And sometimes it helps to play out the worst case scenario because it’s not as bad as you thought: What if your daughter is always a level behind in math? Maybe she won’t take calculus in high school, which isn’t terrible unless she has her heart set on taking calculus or a career in engineering.) Remember: You don’t have to follow the math book problem for problem. You can find the areas that are tripping her up and spend most of your time on those, and move on as she masters concepts. By not making a big deal about “being behind,” you’re also teaching your daughter that it’s more important to understand something and be able to put it to use than it is to learn just enough to get through a set of test questions.

At the same time, consider ways you can make math more of a part of your everyday life. Stock up on board games that make math fun (see the spring 2017 for ideas) and living math books. Use an alternative approach to math, like Simply Charlotte Mason’s Pet Store Math, which lets kids pretend they’re the bosses of their own pet store, or Life of Fred, which turns math into a playful readaloud. (Life of Fred isn’t totally secular, but I feel like the places where it’s not are so ridiculously over-the-top that it’s easy to discuss them as you go.) Encourage kids to use math in everyday life: Split your pizza into eight even pieces, double a cupcake recipe for a party, or see if your budget will stretch to that new video game. There’s so much math in life that it’s not hard to find opportunities to just do it, without a formal book or any worry about what level it is.

I honestly think a combination of these two strategies—being okay with starting at the level where your daughter is and increasing the numeracy, or math literacy, quotient of your home—will help your daughter’s mathematic knowledge increase significantly. But if you’re really concerned about getting her up to a specific grade level, double-time your way through the math she tests into—if you’d usually do three lessons a week, do five or six—until she’s working at grade level. Really, though, I think this is a place where going with your daughter’s flow and trusting that she’ll get where she needs to go if you keep working together will serve your homeschool best.

This reader question was originally published in the spring 2017 issue of HSL.

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How Do I Write a High School Transcript for an Unschooler?

Lisa asked: My always-unschooled 17-year-old has always been adamant that college isn’t on is to-do list — but now, just as he’s getting ready to start what’s technically his senior year this fall, he’s fallen in love with a fairly traditional college (with a reputation for being tough on homeschooled applicants) and made up his mind that’s what he wants to do next. I want to support him, but I have no idea how to pull together a high school transcript (which his dream college does require) when we’ve done very little formal schoolwork for high school. Can you help?

Obviously your life right now would be a little easier if you’d been keeping careful records for your son’s high school transcript since eighth grade, but honestly, it’s no big deal that you’re just starting to think about it at the end of junior year. (I’m not sure if it’s exactly comforting, but there’s a not-small percentage of homeschool parents who don’t start thinking about transcripts until their student’s senior year is ending — and many of them do just fine pulling them together even at that very last minute.) Putting together this transcript is totally doable.

Start with a simple transcript template like this one so that all you have to do is fill in the blanks. (Transcripts for very traditional colleges are one place where creativity doesn’t really pay off — you’ll usually fare best if your transcript looks like everybody else’s.) Now look at the college your son has his sights set on: What core academic classes does it require for incoming freshman? Often, the requirements look something like this: 4 units of English, 2 units of algebra, 1 unit of geometry, 1 unit of trigonometry, calculus, statistics, or other advanced math, 1 unit of biology, 1 unit of chemistry or physics, 1 unit of additional science, 1 unit of U.S. history, 1 unit of European history, world history, or world geography, 2 units of the same foreign language, and 1 unit of visual or performing arts.

Now a list like this might initially make you feel kind of panic-y because it seems like the most structured thing ever and your problem is that you’ve got almost no structured stuff to draw on, right? In fact, though, a list like this is a great thing for homeschoolers because it helps you focus in and figure out how all the learning your son has been doing might fit into a more traditional framework. Just because he hasn’t been checking off boxes for the past three years doesn’t mean he hasn’t been learning — which you know, of course, but which can be easy to forget in the face of a form full of those boxes. For instance, all that time he spent hatching tadpoles, creating microscope slides, growing carnivorous plants, dissecting owl pellets, and volunteering at the zoo? That might add up to Biology. Or the year he spent reading every Philip Dick book and comparing the books to movie interpretations of them? That’s comparative literature in action and can count as a semester of English. What about math? Frankly, if you haven’t done organized classes, the simplest thing to do may be to just to ask your son to take a few placement tests to see what math he’s mastered — then you can list the maths he’s mastered on his transcript. As you realize how much your son has actually accomplished over the past three years, his transcript will fill in pretty quickly — and you may be tempted to get whimsical with course names and descriptions, but if the school he’s aiming for really is super-traditional, it really is best to just keep it as simple as you can: Biology, rather than Exploring the Natural World, or Literature: Science Fiction instead of The Worlds of Philip Dick. Yes, coloring inside the lines is a little boring, but you’ve happily lived outside the lines (and can continue to do so). This is just a hoop that you’ll jump through more easily if you present your out-of-box experiences in a form that fits neatly into the admission committee’s boxes. (Plenty of colleges are receptive to homeschool resumes and appreciate the kinds of interest-driven classes that homeschoolers have the opportunity to take. You just want to know what the school you are applying to is looking for.)

After all this list-making, you may have some holes — but you’ve got his entire senior year to fill them. Don’t worry if you have multiple classes to fill in — maybe you need to cover geometry and trigonometry or take two English classes. This is pretty easy to manage with a little strategic planning. Sit down with your son, and come up with a game plan for what to do over the next year so that his transcript matches up with the requirements for his dream school. (If you need to, you can set your graduation date for the end of summer instead of spring to get a little more time. Remember, you’re the one who has the power to determine your academic year.)

You don’t mention whether you’ve been doing any outside classes, but if you haven’t, make sure to enroll in a couple this fall. They’ll make your transcript a little easier, yes, but they’ll also connect you to other teachers who can help describe your son’s achievements and college suitability when the time comes to start soliciting teacher recommendations for your application. You can handle the transcript thing on your own, but you will definitely benefit from having outside, unbiased teachers for your son’s teacher recommendations.

Good luck! It can feel intimidating to tackle this on your own, but just like every other part of homeschooling, taking it one step at a time and keeping your student top of mind will get you through.

This Q&A was originally published in the spring 2016 issue of HSL.

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When Is It OK to Let Kids Quit?

I signed my sons up for a class at our nature center because I thought they’d love it — but three weeks in, they’re asking if they have to go every week. I’ve probed and probed, but it doesn’t seem like the class is bad or the instructor is mean — a friend’s daughter took the class with the same instructor last year and loved it — they just don’t want to go. Should I let them quit? And if I do, am I raising them to be quitters?

It sounds like you signed your sons up for this class without really getting their opinion on whether they wanted to take it — which is fine. How will kids learn what they love if they don’t try lots of different things? Part of our job as homeschool parents is to plant seeds that might bloom into interests. But not every seed blooms. Trying lots of things means that you’ll also discover things you don’t like — and that often involves quitting something that just isn’t a good fit.

We’ve stigmatized quitting, pitting it against virtuous qualities like persistence and follow-through, but quitting isn’t necessarily a bad thing, says Shimi K. Kang, author of the book The Dolphin Way: A Parent's Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids-Without Turning into a Tiger. It’s a normal part of pre-adolescent development, as kids experiment, explore, and find their passions through trial and error. The problem, says Kang, is often that we sometimes leap right into a three-month class commitment instead of giving our kids free space to explore their interests on their own. Just like you, we think, “Oh, Marshall loves going to the nature center — I bet he’d love this nature class,” when we might be better served looking for one-day programs (check nature centers, community centers, state parks, and libraries in your neck of the woods) that let kids sample an activity without commitment. And don’t underestimate the power of free play for letting kids test out different interests — the modern-day prescription to any childhood interest tends to be a structured class, but that isn’t always the best way for kids to test the waters. Kids who have a pattern of wanting to quit activities may just need fewer activities and more free time. This may be the case with your sons — they like nature study, they just don't want to get up and do it every week in a structured way.

Now, if your sons were the ones who pushed to take this class, I’d feel differently. Yes, trial and error are an important part of finding your interests, but time and money aren’t unlimited for most of us. If a child is interested in a class or activity, it’s smart to talk about expectations up front. For team sports, choirs, theater troupes, and other activities where other players are depending on your child’s participation, your child should plan to see the season through before he signs up — part of signing on to that kind of activity is becoming part of that community. If you’re paying for a class or activity, agree together on what a “reasonable effort” before giving up entails. A full semester? A month? The length of the class? Then hold your child to her commitment. (Of course, if kids want to quit because they are being hurt, physically or emotionally, they should always be able to quit.)

Bottom line: Quitting isn’t all bad, and you should address it on a case-by-case basis before the activity even starts.

This was originally published in the spring 2015 issue of HSL.

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Why Are Homeschoolers So Flaky?

I keep running into the same problem, and I can’t tell if I’m doing something wrong or if homeschoolers really are just super-flaky. Last year, I planned a field trip for our homeschool group to a local science museum. Ten families RSVP-ed “yes” to the event, but when the day of the field trip arrived, only one family showed up. (They hadn’t RSVP-ed at all.) No phone calls or messages to cancel — people just didn't show up. I planned another field trip to an art museum a few weeks ago, and the same thing happened — even though this time I specifically confirmed the field trip with everyone who RSVP-ed. I’m obviously over planning field trips for this particular group, but is there anything I could have done differently to avoid the frustration of flaky homeschoolers?

It’s not just you — planning activities for a homeschool group can be an exercise in frustration, with lots of excited input during the planning stages and low turnout for the actual event. The good news is that plenty of homeschoolers are as fed up with flaky homeschoolers as you are — you just have to find them.

If you want to understand why homeschoolers are prone to last-minute flakiness, Patricia Rosen, etiquette expert, suggests that this kind of flexibility may be a feature of your particular homeschool group. “Once you realize that other people don’t feel obligated to show up for events and activities, it gives you the freedom to just not show up, too,” Rosen says. That can be a good thing for new homeschoolers, who often bite off more than they can chew trying to squeeze in every fun activity that comes their way. It can be reassuring to know that activities come with a no-repercussions opt-out. These homeschoolers are probably genuinely enthusiastic about the activity you’ve planned — but they’re also enthusiastic about lots of other things and may have trouble fitting all of them into their real-life schedule. “A lot of flaky people just plain overestimate what they can actually do in a given day or week,” says psychotherapist Stephen Burglas. 

You can’t change a flaky homeschooler’s attitude — though Burglas says some people do improve over time — but you do some things to minimize the frustration factor for yourself. Next time you plan a field trip, collect the admission fees when people RSVP, and you’ll quickly get a sense of the people who are serious about making space for the field trip in their schedule. Make it clear that fees are non-refundable (even if you’re willing to be flexible about refunding money to people who have emergencies or illnesses that keep them from attending). Even if a trip is free, charge a couple of dollars per family. “Getting money involved, even if it’s just a couple of dollars, seems to help people take homeschool commitments more seriously,” says Jeannie Briscomb, who plans field trips for her California homeschool group.

Briscomb says she also regularly prunes people who don’t participate in field trips from her email list and automatically deletes no-shows after the first offense. “A few people have complained, but I point out that I never delete anyone who reaches out to say they aren’t coming — only people who RSVP ‘yes’ and just plain don’t show up,” Briscomb says.

Over time, you’ll probably find a cadre of similarly committed homeschool parents to plan field trips with — you’ll know them because they are the ones who, like you, show up when they say they will. “I plan activities for the whole group, but when I get free admission or discount tickets, there’s a core group of families I email first because I know they’re going to be reliable,” Briscomb says.

What if you’re the flaky homeschooler? Obviously one of the great things about homeschool life is the ability to wake up in the morning and choose the shape of your day as you go — if your kids get excited about backyard bug investigations or pulled into a major Minecraft project, you don’t have to hit the stop button for a field trip or anything else. But if you’re a frequent flaker, be aware that your actions have consequences beyond one particular field trip. Field trip planners who deal with one-too-many flaky parents may stop planning trips entirely, leaving you with fewer extracurricular options when they do fit into your schedule. You may also find that you’re left off some planning lists or event invites because you’re too often a no-show. That doesn’t mean you have to reshape your life around plans that don’t work for your family on a particular day, but it does mean you should avoid getting a reputation as a flake: If you change your mind about a field trip, shoot its organizer an email to let her know. That’s a tiny courtesy on your part that shows that you respect the organizer’s efforts and the inconvenience you might be causing the group by bailing at the last minute.

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How Do I Raise Kids Who Value Diversity In a Not-Very-Diverse Community?

I want my kids to be the kind of people who value diversity, but our homeschool community is pretty homogenous. How do I raise open-minded global citizens when our opportunities to experience other cultures are limited?

This is something I worry about, too. Our homeschool community is vibrant, engaging, and full of creative, curious kids with diverse interests and talents—but it’s a very white, middle class community. And I worry: How will my kids be responsible citizens in an increasingly global and diverse world if they don’t have opportunities to spend time with a diverse group of people?

Here’s the good news: It turns out that just by talking about issues of race and difference with our kids, we’re improving their diversity IQ. This goes contrary to what a lot of parents think: By talking about differences and racism to our children, aren’t we really just teaching them to notice differences that they’d be oblivious to otherwise? In fact, no: Kids as young as three years old start to form ideas about race and act on them—not because children are natural-born racists but because they experience the world through cataloging and comparing the people and things around them. “Don’t you want to suggest to them—early on, before they do form these preconceptions—something positive [about differences between people] rather than let them pick up something negative?” asks Kristina Olson, a psychologist who studies racial bias and social cognitive development.

So talking about race and difference is important, and if your community doesn’t lend itself to natural segues into those conversations, you can turn to books and television to bring up the topic. Ask your librarian to help you find books that have been nominated for the Coretta Scott King Book Award (for books by an African-American author and illustrator), the Schneider Family Book Award (for excellence in writing about the disability experience), the Pura Belpré Award (awarded to a Latino illustrator), the Stonewall Award (for excellence in children’s and young adult LGBTQ literature), the American Indian Youth Literature Awards, and the Asian Pacific Awards, all of which seek out works by authors and illustrators that highlight diversity. But don’t stop there: Also talk to your kids about where you don’t find multiculturalism in books and television. Why aren’t there any black Santa Clauses? Why do people assume a character like Rue in The Hunger Games or Hermione in the the Harry Potter series is white—and get so upset when it turns out that she may not be? You can use these conversations as a starting point to talk about diversity in your real-life community: Why do you think we seem to see people who look the same everywhere we go?

It’s possible that in the course of your conversations, your kids will say some insensitive things. That’s great because it gives you the opportunity to talk about the thinking behind the insensitivity, says Howard Stevenson, professor of education and Africana studies and author of Promoting Racial Literacy in Schools: Differences That Make a Difference. Don’t admonish your child for saying something that’s off-base—instead, respect your child’s curiosity and help him explore the ideas that led him into narrower-minded thinking.

One of the most effective ways to do this is to teach children that diversity is a value. Your children probably aren’t going to be blind to the fact that other people look different, talk differently, and have different abilities—so instead of teaching them to ignore differences, encourage them to embrace them as good things and to look for commonalities with people who seem superficially difference. Reading a book about a first-generation Chinese boy, look for what you might have in common with the protagonist—an obsession with baseball or a bossy mother—as well as differences. The more similarities young kids see between themselves and children of other races, the more they may embrace them, says Stevenson.

Of course, there’s no substitute for first-hand experience with diverse people, so look for opportunities to explore different cultures. This can be as simple as loading up the car to check out festivals, restaurants, and cultural events near you, or as involved as planning immersion getaways to places that are totally different from your hometown or sponsoring a foreign exchange student. Ideally, you’ll guide your kids by being excited to explore and discover diversity, whatever your community, and following your lead, they’ll grow up to value and seek out diversity, too.

This was originally published in the spring 2016 issue of HSL.

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